Perfectionism, you dirty little thief.
This is retaliation.
For me who wants to be a writer and who therefore wants to have lots of cool, profound things to say, it's tempting for normal to feel disappointing. But really I want to relate to people and have my writing build you up, and I think a lot of people relate to normal, myself included. So here's what I prayed tonight. It's about God's love, struggling with an unruly heart, and a few other things. It's honest. I hope it's encouraging to you. :)
A few days ago, a guy at my school killed himself. It’s breaking my heart to see my people, my fellow students and friends, dying on the inside with no one seeming to care. These thoughts were inspired by and are dedicated to Zach Holland and the UMM school community.
And he was dancin' naked.
Let's just say God appreciated the heart behind it.
I've had an internal dichotomy taking place for some time: on one hand, I feel so much passion for sharing the things that go on inside my head. Not to brag at all, but I find that world to be captivating. I have a stubborn, enduring sense that I could help by sharing my perspective. I also have the same sense about other people sharing their perspectives too, if they could only see it.
According to the internet's most popular free source of generally reliable facts, Marvel Cinematic Universe has produced 19 films in the last decade, with 13 on the way. Put together, those 19 films have grossed over $16.8 billion at the box office. In terms of dollars, MCU has created the most successful film franchise. Ever.
Heartache--the word I chose to refer to the feeling that something's missing--is not the end of the problem. Just like when a plant withers and dies for lack of water, when we start to hurt because it feels like we're lacking something, it's not the pain that's the issue. It's that we're lacking something. I believe this is important, because I know how easy it is to waste time looking for what's going to make the pain go away in the moment without looking for why it's showing up in the first place.
The reason I'm writing is because I've wanted to write for a long time. I just didn't know what to say or how to say it, so I didn't write a whole lot. Not openly, at least. I'm not sure how much more I have to say now than I did a year ago, but today in asking God if he wanted to show me anything (more on that later), I think he said essentially this: Avery, you're free to share. It doesn't have to be perfect. My love and my words are the perfect parts.